Anxiety and Fear - im feeling down

[wintercast]

With a title like that - why am i posting about my feelings in a car forum? (and yes, i posted the same basic thing over on /r/civicsi). I am basically posting here to get some more coverage from another great community.

TL: DR - I have major anxiety and fear learning to drive MT. Is the SI right for me? Can i do this? Any words of wisdom or your own stories to share?

Well - i have been here for a bit because i am in love with the SI coupe. I have commented, i have liked, i have shared etc. Some days my confidence is high, other times i am in the gutter.

I am looking at the 2020; but my anxiety (i am in therapy for GAD) has really put a wrench in my learning to drive manual. Thing is, i CAN do it. My BF has been teaching me on his Mazda Miata and currently on his Fiesta STline (that is non turbo). I have taken both cars out on the road, parking lots, back roads, highways. But i have this mental block that is causing me to be almost in a panic when i go to drive.

I was in a small car accident in my truck (honda ridgeline) that resulted in some PT for me, but i did not get the truck fixed as it has almost 190k miles on it and the damage was not bad enough. There are also issues because the driver that hit me was not insured. So currently everything has been out of my pocket.

After that accident, i was almost in a panic to drive my truck. I would freak out if someone was behind me, in traffic, either riding my ass or not paying attention. I installed flashing brake lights on my 3rd brake light on the truck to try to get more attention as it seemed during rush hour i dealt with drivers that were paying about 10% attention to where they were going.

I have been working through the Anxiety and Phobia workbook which has been great. And for the most part i am doing better driving my truck- my fear is not consuming me into a panic. But if i try to drive the MT car, i am almost in a panic - my legs are shaking, my vision gets funky. My BF tries to calmly tell me things like ; "ok, at this curve, put it in 3rd". etc. His next plan is for me to just drive on my own (which i have done in the miata). So i can go mess up and not feel judged and figure it out on my own.

With traffic being heavier now that schools are back in session, i leave my house very early to avoid traffic. This also helps with my anxiety.

The other morning, i went out to the MT car, with the idea of ; just sit it in. I dont have to drive it.. just sit in it and breath. I did that. I then practiced going through the gears (car was off); just getting a muscle memory feel. Deep breathing. I almost thought about starting it, but it was getting later and i did not want to feel rushed at all on my drive into work. So i took my ridgeline into work (i have a 90 mile round trip).

Today i could not try to take the MT in to work, because i need to drive the truck since i am borrowing my mom's horse trailer for the weekend. Yeah - i can tow a trailer - horse trailer, RV just fine. I dont really have fear. sure i might have some hairy moments, but it is not the same fear i have assigned to learning MT.

I am also older, almost 40 years old. I think that is also playing into me trying to learn something new. I am aware of danger, fear of causing an accident - i think all stuff that does not really affect someone that is 17 and learning a MT. But i have always been this way. I was a little slow to get my drivers license. partially because i did not have a car, and i had a friend that would drive us all over the place. But once i got a car, i drove A LOT (starting at around 17 years of age).

Through various cars, i have around 400k miles to my name. i average an easy 20k a year currently in miles. And so far i have been lucky in that i have not had any major accidents and i have only caused 1 accident, in which i was stopped at a traffic light and drifted into the person in front of me about 15 years ago. I dont drive slow either.. i am normally over the speed limit - doing 80 easy if it is safe.

I WANT to learn this, i WANT to drive MT. I watch so many videos online, see the joy on faces as they move through the gears on the back roads, on the empty stretches of highway. Shit, i think i might even like taking it around a track. I love finding the best lines on the road when i drive my truck. Love the feeling, and i can only imagine the feeling of being in the SI on those same curves would be amazing.

This stupid mental block - its the same mental block that stops me from riding my horses. I used to gallop horses in open fields as a teenager. Nothing but grass and sky. Let the reins go loose and throw my arms out wide, feel the long grass tap my boots as the horse dug in deeper to give us even more speed - freedom. But later on, i had a stupid fall from a stupid horse, i was wearing my helmet, and a vest so i did not break anything, and landed in some snow as well. But, that seemed to do something to me; my brain got rewired for fear.

I seriously hope, if you have stuck with me this far - that perhaps some of you might offer words of encouragement - give me your stories.

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[bobbyjoe]

If you havent already tried an SSRI you should. Lexapro changed my life.

 

[wintercast]

If you havent already tried an SSRI you should. Lexapro changed my life.

I have always had really bad reactions to medications. Many seem to increase / create suicidal thoughts, some make it so i cannot urinate, others make me depressed/tired/ or just sort of "blah". I am female and also deal with some female issues that i am working with my doctor with. I have been trying CBD oil to see if that would help with some of the anxiety and body pain i am in. I am not sure if it has helped, but it really helps my dog that has anxiety and disk issues.

I am also taking 5-HTP (5-Hydroxytryptophan) but i am not taking it like clockwork and i think i need to get serious about that. It also helps in some ways like lexapro. I have found sometimes i get really vivid dreams while taking 5-htp.

 

[Micah]

I live with GAD as well. Hyper Activity and ADD as a child, I'm 42 now. Saw a few therapists over the years. Read plenty of books. Really didn't want to use medication. Eventually, since nothing else was working, and I couldn't be stoned 24/7, I decided to speak with a psychiatrist. I've been on Ativan, Zoloft, Xanax, and Xanax XR. Mostly I stick with regular Xanax. They certainly help. Some day's I don't take anything at all. Yesterday I took 1mg of Xanax at Noon, 4pm, and 6:30pm. It was a hellish day on multiple levels. I did what needed to be done. But coping mechanisms are ultimately what is needed. Everyone is different. Situations vary. Don't give up. Just do the best you can.

For driving stick. I've been driving stick since ... I'm not even sure but probably around my mid 20's. You're gonna stall occasionally or grind a gear from time to time. The only real teacher is practice as what is needed is ingrained habits and muscle memory. Those aren't things which really can be taught. The method of finding the friction range and clamping point on a clutch can be explained. You can read about it. You can watch youtube videos on it. You can talk to friends about it. The only way through, is to just keep trying. I can tell you that I drive stick daily, and often get stuck in stop-and-go bumper-to-bumper traffic. My legs and patience are fine, and barely affected. My left calf is probably a bit more defined than my right.

So, ....pretty much.... Everyone is different. Situations vary. Don't give up. Just do the best you can.

Welcome to the forum and good luck.

 

[repeet]

Can you knit or crochet? If you can, I'm sure you remember how the first couple of days you had to really pay attention to what you were doing, but after that it became automatic. After a while you could carry on conversations without thinking about what you were doing.

Shifting a manual car is a lot like that. For the first few weeks you'll really pay attention to everything that you're doing. But after a while you'll find more and more of the process becomes "automatic". By next summer you'll be shifting through traffic without much thought of the shifting process. You just have to decide to make the time to practice it.

 

[Jeffers]

With a title like that - why am i posting about my feelings in a car forum? (and yes, i posted the same basic thing over on /r/civicsi). I am basically posting here to get some more coverage from another great community.

TL: DR - I have major anxiety and fear learning to drive MT. Is the SI right for me? Can i do this? Any words of wisdom or your own stories to share?

Well - i have been here for a bit because i am in love with the SI coupe. I have commented, i have liked, i have shared etc. Some days my confidence is high, other times i am in the gutter.

I am looking at the 2020; but my anxiety (i am in therapy for GAD) has really put a wrench in my learning to drive manual. Thing is, i CAN do it. My BF has been teaching me on his Mazda Miata and currently on his Fiesta STline (that is non turbo). I have taken both cars out on the road, parking lots, back roads, highways. But i have this mental block that is causing me to be almost in a panic when i go to drive.

I was in a small car accident in my truck (honda ridgeline) that resulted in some PT for me, but i did not get the truck fixed as it has almost 190k miles on it and the damage was not bad enough. There are also issues because the driver that hit me was not insured. So currently everything has been out of my pocket.

After that accident, i was almost in a panic to drive my truck. I would freak out if someone was behind me, in traffic, either riding my ass or not paying attention. I installed flashing brake lights on my 3rd brake light on the truck to try to get more attention as it seemed during rush hour i dealt with drivers that were paying about 10% attention to where they were going.

I have been working through the Anxiety and Phobia workbook which has been great. And for the most part i am doing better driving my truck- my fear is not consuming me into a panic. But if i try to drive the MT car, i am almost in a panic - my legs are shaking, my vision gets funky. My BF tries to calmly tell me things like ; "ok, at this curve, put it in 3rd". etc. His next plan is for me to just drive on my own (which i have done in the miata). So i can go mess up and not feel judged and figure it out on my own.

With traffic being heavier now that schools are back in session, i leave my house very early to avoid traffic. This also helps with my anxiety.

The other morning, i went out to the MT car, with the idea of ; just sit it in. I dont have to drive it.. just sit in it and breath. I did that. I then practiced going through the gears (car was off); just getting a muscle memory feel. Deep breathing. I almost thought about starting it, but it was getting later and i did not want to feel rushed at all on my drive into work. So i took my ridgeline into work (i have a 90 mile round trip).

Today i could not try to take the MT in to work, because i need to drive the truck since i am borrowing my mom's horse trailer for the weekend. Yeah - i can tow a trailer - horse trailer, RV just fine. I dont really have fear. sure i might have some hairy moments, but it is not the same fear i have assigned to learning MT.

I am also older, almost 40 years old. I think that is also playing into me trying to learn something new. I am aware of danger, fear of causing an accident - i think all stuff that does not really affect someone that is 17 and learning a MT. But i have always been this way. I was a little slow to get my drivers license. partially because i did not have a car, and i had a friend that would drive us all over the place. But once i got a car, i drove A LOT (starting at around 17 years of age).

Through various cars, i have around 400k miles to my name. i average an easy 20k a year currently in miles. And so far i have been lucky in that i have not had any major accidents and i have only caused 1 accident, in which i was stopped at a traffic light and drifted into the person in front of me about 15 years ago. I dont drive slow either.. i am normally over the speed limit - doing 80 easy if it is safe.

I WANT to learn this, i WANT to drive MT. I watch so many videos online, see the joy on faces as they move through the gears on the back roads, on the empty stretches of highway. Shit, i think i might even like taking it around a track. I love finding the best lines on the road when i drive my truck. Love the feeling, and i can only imagine the feeling of being in the SI on those same curves would be amazing.

This stupid mental block - its the same mental block that stops me from riding my horses. I used to gallop horses in open fields as a teenager. Nothing but grass and sky. Let the reins go loose and throw my arms out wide, feel the long grass tap my boots as the horse dug in deeper to give us even more speed - freedom. But later on, i had a stupid fall from a stupid horse, i was wearing my helmet, and a vest so i did not break anything, and landed in some snow as well. But, that seemed to do something to me; my brain got rewired for fear.

I seriously hope, if you have stuck with me this far - that perhaps some of you might offer words of encouragement - give me your stories.

Well, the manual transmissions aren't for everyone. Even after they're confident driving one many choose not to.
So I'd say spend as much time driving MT as you can before you buy a new car with one. So you can decide if it's right for you.
Your lucky having a MT available for you to "try before you buy". And no one can say you didn't give it fair try before you made your decision,

 

[bluehatch17]

Sometimes I am like would you rather feel like crap or not feel a single thing at all. SSRI turns you into a zombie.

it’s an extremely delicate balance but probably the best way to handle soul crushing physical pain inducing anxiety and etc is to go and get after it. You break thru the mental barrier and just go for it. When you are like thru that mental block, there is no better feeling.

it’s definitely not easy. But you go and live your life. Try to live it your way the most that you can.

With you having driven many cars and having had experience. I don’t think you have much to worry about as if you have never done it and is doing it for the first time.

In the end, You’re not going to get over whatever you’re trying to conquer by not doing anything about it.

 

[Micah]

Sometimes I am like would you rather feel like crap or not feel a single thing at all. SSRI turns you into a zombie.

it’s an extremely delicate balance but probably the best way to handle soul crushing physical pain inducing anxiety and etc is to go and get after it. You break thru the mental barrier and just go for it. When you are like thru that mental block, there is no better feeling.

it’s definitely not easy. But you go and live your life. Try to live it your way the most that you can.

With you having driven many cars and having had experience. I don’t think you have much to worry about as if you have never done it and is doing it for the first time.

In the end, You’re not going to get over whatever you’re trying to conquer by not doing anything about it.

Based on personal experience....

SSRI isn't quite "zombie" it's more "delayed and/or decreased reaction to stress bordering on selectively able to detach from stress". Obviously higher doses will magnify the effect. Zoloft was the SSRI I used, and waiting weeks for it to start working sucked. I started off at 50mg, and shortly after went to 100mg. Doctor wanted to put me up to 200mg, but I chose to stick at 100mg as it worked well for me. Then I stumbled upon the grapefruit juice reaction, that was scary. From that moment I decided to wean off, and weaning off Zoloft took me about 6 weeks.

Benzo's on the other hand (I've taken Ativan, Xanax, Xanax XR, and Valium) don't need to be taken daily and can be taken as needed. I actually started with Ativan, then decided I was taking it too often and getting anxiety about deciding if it was worth taking or not. So then I went to Zoloft. After Zoloft, I did a bunch of research and went to Xanax. At my doctors suggestion I've tried Xanax XR and Valium. Valium is just nap fuel for me, so I'm not a big fan. Xanax XR is just too damned long on the half life, and for me, is not an even keel delivery over that time. Three Xanax XR .5mg through the day will result in me taking an involuntary nap, and my wife detects slurring if I take two. Regular Xanax 1mg works well for me, I can break it in half or take 2 or 3 through the day if needed without feeling the desire to nap.

 

[wintercast]

As many of you said, i would get the zombie like or delayed feelings on various medications. In many cases i just felt blah... not sad.. but also not happy. It was almost like i just did not react.

my anxiety is also caused by having to "do everything". My previous husband just did nothing. I have almost 3 acres of land, with horses, chickens, dogs, cats and at the time a leaking roof and a leaking cellar plus a 45 min commute each way with a full time job. I still have the leaking cellar and all the critters. Getting rid of that husband helped with my stress levels. New BF does way more around the place and really helps to share my burden.

i am also working on getting rid of clutter - wow it makes a difference!

The gym also helps, but i really only go during the dark half of the year, because during the spring/summer/fall there is just too much to do outside/on the farm. I also suffer with SAD. A phillips wake up alarm clock has helped, as does going into a tanning booth once or twice a month during the dark half of the year.

I want to again thank everyone in this thread. Sometimes it just helps to hear of others and what they did to overcome their stress.

if i get this car, i already have a vanity plate in mind "GETBKUP". Or else "HLD HRD" Which is Hold Hard. A book i loved by Alda Hopkins Clark.

https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/145034671/alda-tyson-clark

You all have given me some confidence that i am allowed to make some mistakes. I am very hard on myself. One of the things i need to learn is to love myself more.

 

[bobbyjoe]

Sometimes I am like would you rather feel like crap or not feel a single thing at all. SSRI turns you into a zombie.

it’s an extremely delicate balance but probably the best way to handle soul crushing physical pain inducing anxiety and etc is to go and get after it. You break thru the mental barrier and just go for it. When you are like thru that mental block, there is no better feeling.

it’s definitely not easy. But you go and live your life. Try to live it your way the most that you can.

With you having driven many cars and having had experience. I don’t think you have much to worry about as if you have never done it and is doing it for the first time.

In the end, You’re not going to get over whatever you’re trying to conquer by not doing anything about it.

Obviously medication is going to work differently for each person but "Zombie" is honestly the last thing that comes to mind when taking my medication. In fact its the opposite for me. It's given me hope and the ability to face things I would otherwise have a tough time doing. I suggest that OP tests different medications with her doctor until she finds one that helps. This is coming from someone who's dealt with anxiety for over a decade and was extremely reluctant to take medication until somewhat recently.

 

[Micah]

Obviously medication is going to work differently for each person but "Zombie" is honestly the last thing that comes to mind when taking my medication. In fact its the opposite for me. It's given me hope and the ability to face things I would otherwise have a tough time doing. I suggest that OP tests different medications with her doctor until she finds one that helps. This is coming from someone who's dealt with anxiety for over a decade and was extremely reluctant to take medication until somewhat recently.

Couldn't agree more. Find a good psychiatrist who will discuss and help weigh options.

 

[hicompb18c1]

My BF used to have a CTR and stated that would have been the easiest car to learn on, almost too easy. He also had an SI and states that the SI stick shift and clutch is probably very much like the fiesta STLine. I dont actually care for the shifter in the fiesta - it is very wobbly. The Miata was very precise and basically no question when it was in gear (plus the gauge cluster told you and even made suggestions which was VERY nice).

@wintercast I learned driving stick on some of the hilliest parts of the country - I get how it could be hard for someone with anxiety. I will say this, I have a new Si and the clutch is probably the easiest and softest clutch I've ever driven. Hondas are great to learn on.

Aside from that, I mean this in the politest way possible - everything you wrote sounds identical to my mom, who has terrible anxiety and overthinks things to the point of awfulness. I absolutely hate prescription drugs but I have to recommend you consider it as an option, or even other holistic/natural medicine options. It's the only way I've seen people with anxiety be able to have peace and overcome worries.

 

[wintercast]

Thanks to everyone - i admit, i am very adverse to drugs. i have been on zoloft, paxil, prozac and i think luxapro over the course of 20 years. Some made me suicidal, some made me VERY tired, one made it so i could not pee. My current therapist has stated that cymbalta might help. I admit i am very afraid of the side effects. HAHA even just thinking about taking that stuff makes me feel anxious.

 

[COOL COUPE]

I have had a life long affliction with aniexty going back to age 5 with seperation aniexty with school. I had a really bad panic attack back in 1986. Doom and gloom and sure death was upon me. I devoped agoraphobia with OCD and GAD as well. Bottom line is that this is not bad
.. it's something that you can learn to accept and live with. Just get the car with manual shift, embrace it and embrace yourself. Some experts say we are super human since we have this array of disorders. The key is to embrace and welcome the aniexty and NOT run from it! Don't run...

 

[monstarind]

I've struggled with Anxiety for many many years. Counseling and medication helped but once I made an effort to not let things bother me as much is when I started feeling ok. Prayers for you and I hope you find health and peace.

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