Post breakup regret and sadness

[Deleted User 1886347]

I’ll give you some perspective. I was with my first SO for 6 years. We split and I thought I would never get over it. Now, I’m glad we did, because it made me into who I am today.

Ive been dating on and off now for a while. Some people I’ve dated for a few months, and others ive dated for a couple weeks before finding out they weren’t for me.

I guess a lot of it is because I was hurt so bad by my ex wife, and she took me to the cleaners (almost), that I don’t want to go through that again. So I want to be sure. And if I have any doubts with anyone, I always put myself first and break it clean before it goes further.

I used to drop things to see people, and it would suck the life out of me, and put me behind in other aspects of my life. I’m 27, I’m a single dad (split custody), I’m working full time, and I’m in school. So if I’m going to spend my free time with someone regularly, they better accept my lifestyle and that they can’t see me all the time. Which is okay by me as I love being in solitude sometimes.

Im 27, going to be 28 soon, and I’m seeing a 20 year old right now. But, I’m going through a similar boat as you right at this moment, except her situation is different. She’s unemployed, can’t keep a job, she’s a dropout (working on her high school diploma as we speak), she has a kid, and lives with her parents. Oh and she lives out of town. Honestly she’s fun to be around, but I can’t even see a future with her. I never could unless she showed stability, in which she has none. She shows drive for the school but I feel like she has no desire to work. Or when she does get a job, she finds it too hard or gets let go. Maybe it’s an age thing, and also I understand being a single parent. But at some point, you have to change, right? I don’t see that. I’m also very mature for my age and having grown up conversations with her doesn’t pan out too well.

I have learned with breakups not to take them personally. There’s a reason behind it, and it’s okay to feel the way you do in that moment. If you have any doubt, you should always just end it. You’ll always have some “what if’s” in your head, and I promise you it will pass with time bud!

As for the pictures, f*** it, you got time. Grieve first, then delete them when you feel better. It took me a while to delete the ones of myself and my ex wife, probably a good 6 months. Hell I still find some and we have been split for 2.5 years, now I just shake my head and delete them instantly. I keep a few for my son when he’s older, but that’s about it.

Anytime you need support bud, it’s always around you. Including on here!

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[Pepertrail3]

Breakups are horrible. I believe everyone can agree with that. If there’s one thing I’ve learned. I’ve learned that no one is going to take care of you like you. Put yourself first. Learn from this one so you can be better in the next one . Hang in there buddy . We care !

 

[Cornercarver]

Having been there ( more than once at my age) it sucks, but you may want to consider a few things:

One, you have to feel good about yourself - even when it is just you, yourself and you. Part of the healing is taking time to do things you may not have done as much, or at all before. Enjoy the fact that you don't have to check in with someone else when you make plans, or get second guessed. Or questioned / interrogated. It will be tempting to jump into another relationship, but you will do better to take a breath first, and if you do hook up, keep it light.

It is very easy to feel like there is something wrong with you, or you are less than, when a serious relationship ends. You may not think that consciously, but it is often there underneath. Sometimes out of loneliness or just wanting affirmation that we are desirable / worthy we jump into another relationship, or mate with anything that moves. I went with option number two last time. Both approaches have their drawbacks. More so for the other person.

Two, until you get to a balanced place where you are at peace and at least ready for something right, and healthy, it won't matter who comes along. Timing is everything.

You don't need someone who fills a checklist of umpteen details. You need someone who you have a connection with so strong, that the details just don't freaking matter.

All that to say there may be loss and pain behind you, and uncertainty now, but there is someone and something wonderful waiting for you. Believe it.

 

[suhhh]

Thanks all for your kind words and sharing your experiences, from the bottom of my heart it really means a lot to me and gives me comfort

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